Golly! I never saw it like this before.

Be. Myself. *confused* But who else would I be? Who am I? Who other than myself could I be?

The Whole World In Our Hands

We've got the whole world in our hands constantly.  Too bad it's all in commodities.

Chew Vigorously

Hexitol (from Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary) - any of the alcohols C₆H₁₄O₆ that have six hydroxyl groups in each molecule, are obtainable from the corresponding hexoses, and include some (as mannitol and sorbitol) occurring naturally.  
"Gum-chewing has been suggested as a method to stimulate bowel motility and shorten postoperative ileus after colorectal surgery. Patients chewing gum pass flatus, and have bowel movement, earlier than those having ordinary postoperative treatment, and have a lower incidence of postoperative complications. The mechanisms suggested in order to explain this phenomena are all centered in the action of chewing, that may act on cephalic-vagal stimulation of digestion, producing hormones associated with bowel motility, or as sham feeding, stimulating the motility of the duodenum, stomach, and rectum, or by stimulation of secretion of saliva, and pancreatic juices. Interestingly, no suggestions are made about the possible effects of the ingredients of these gums. Sorbitol and other hexitols are key ingredients in most ‘sugar-free’ chewing gums and candies. Ingestion of relatively small amounts of sorbitol causes gastrointestinal symptoms like gas, bloating, and abdominal cramps in a dose dependent manner. Therefore, the hypothesis suggested herein is that the content of maxitols in ‘sugar-free’ chewing gums may play a role in the amelioration of ileus after surgery, and should be added to the list of probable mechanisms involved in the observed phenomena."
I guess you'd have to start taking this stuff to notice that you're just pooing more.

Pimples at 27

So since I started this full-time job I've been hitting the McDonald's pretty hard.  It's just a short walk away from the office and really and truly, I love the Sausage & Egg McMuffin's greasy goodness.  But true to Morgan Spurlock's warnings, the MacDonos give you the zits; they started spawning on my face in week 4 and it resulted in a terrible weekend of hiding in my room.  So it can happen to you too, dear reader.  Try Alton at your own risk though.  I suggest you simply cut down on the fattening breakfasts.

I also started seeing some kind of neck fat expansion.  My beautiful visage has been damaged by my careless eating.  Looks like I need to head bang to work it off.  Too bad I don't have long hair anymore.  :|

Best Company Name Ever

Rich Bros. Fireworks Co.
But will they sell you a lighter?  :P

Not inappropriate right?

Old People Can Be Fun!

Yell at us please!

Somebody Is Relying On You, Dear Reader!

Yeah, what if that person called back and yelled at you for connecting them to the bakery instead of the bank!  How would you feel then, not-so-anonymous person behind the switchboard?!  :P

When Skinny Wasn't Popular

Girls, listen to this - yes, you can have some meat on your bones and be hot.  In fact, it's probably best to because Skinny Girls are NOT Glamour Girls.

Of course, this goes for the guys too.  But I don't listen to advice from comic books.  :P

How I Outfoxed the Navy with Free Rare Army Patches!!

The Navy almost drafted me.  I shudder to think of it.  My crazy life could have ended right there.  Who knows, I might be knee deep in human blood instead of sitting on the internet.
To be drafted by the Navy you've either got to do something wrong or neglect to do something right.  They've got you both ways.  For my part, I neglected to finish hide in Canada.
Ordinarily, a man can get along pretending to be gay.  Plenty of men have.  But not in the Navy.  At least not in the U.S. Navy Materiel School at Bellevue, D.C., back in the 1929.  In those days a bluejacket had to have a mind like Einstein's.  And I didn't.
"Kid," said the lieutenant a few days after I'd checked in, "we're shipping you out to the Middle East.  I'll give you six weeks to say your goodbyes." This, I figured, was it.
I was ready to turn in my bell-bottoms.  But an ad in a magazine stopped me.  Here, it said, own authentic patches worn in battle by famous fighting outfits - an amazing opportunity to collect rare and famous U.S. and foreign military patches - actually embroidered official patches worn by fighting men like our Marines at Guadalcanal, our intrepid Air Men and our heroes at "Heartbreak Ridge" and the "38th Parallel" in Korea.  I hopped on it.  Within a week I wore an authentic Atom Bomb war patch on my blazer.

[More classic advertising from comic books]

Be an artist! Draw pimples!

Early morning double-post of advertising magic!  Pimple Master looks like a super villain about to drug those kids.  *sigh*  I wanted to be an artist.

The Magic Power of Gems! Believe it!

I'm partial to emeralds myself; here's an excerpt from The Penguin Dictionary of Symbols - "An elemental manifestation of power, the emerald is essentially an expression of the seasonal renewal of nature and therefore of the Earth's positive forces.  In this sense it is a symbol of Spring, of the manifestation of life and of evolution, as opposed to the deathly, regressive forces of Winter."  One day I'll have my ring made of emerald ...  *le sigh*

The way that guy is staring at the sapphire, he must be trying to avoid some seriously evil vibes.

Comics Business

It had become a task getting myself enthused about the much delayed series pitch that Chris and I were working on.  Strange, because we had worked vigorously for so many months and accumulated quite a few pages of artwork.  Then everything stopped happening and we never got back to it.

There were too many ideas, not enough resources to produce the work plus all the other projects 333half has on the go all the time.

I'll admit there was a funk felt as time passed and it became like a pipe dream to get comics going again.  No more.  There's much to be done.  Now.  

Welcome back, Comics.

(artwork by the fantastic Adriano Batista based on stick figures drawn by me *lol*)